#17: Brush!, CO 5/9/16

I sh*t you not, the name of this city is “Brush!” With punctuation.

From the Brush! website: “The exclamation point after our name dates back to 1978 when the Brush Area Chamber of Commerce and the City Council began placing the exclamation point after Brush to emphasize a ‘can do attitude’.”

Well, okily-dokily. I actually have no problem with the exclamation point because I am excited–namely because the Brush! city council meeting was only 27 less-than-a-pizza-delivery minutes long!

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The Brush! city logo also doubles as good advice from your dentist

City Attorney Robert Chapin asked the council to muster their can-do attitudes to send a letter to the governor. If Hizzoner doesn’t veto a particular bill, Brush! will have to pay for court-appointed lawyers. And that, Chapin fretted, would be awful.

“That’s gonna involve some additional administrative chores,” he wrung his hands. “It’s going to create some problems for us that we have not had to deal with in the past.”

But Councilor Jeanine Anderson wasn’t letting him pee on her leg and tell her it’s raining. “I think, you know, with the Constitution of this country, you don’t just jail people without the right to an attorney.”

“The city would have to pick up the entire cost,” Chapin protested.

“Maybe,” mused Councilor Anderson, “we could look at the ordinances where there is jail time and-”

“We could eliminate that. That’s correct,” the attorney concurred.

Mayor Chuck Schonberger butted in. “Do you know how often we have sentenced someone to jail?”

“Very seldom,” Chapin responded.

No jail time in Brush!? What kind of hippie commune are they running here?! But don’t go knock over the Shell station just yet: the council voted for the veto, with Councilor Anderson the only “nay.”

Speaking of the po-po, April 30 was Brush!’s drug take-back. “In the four hour span, we collected 168 pounds of pharmaceuticals,” the interim chief reported. “We’re just about double what we were in previous years.”

Jesus. Talk about a can-do-a-lot-of-drugs attitude. Maybe if they sold all that Oxy, Brush! could pay for a lawyer for the one guy they send to jail each year.

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Where were all the citizens? Definitely NOT stockpiling drugs. Nooope.

“Was there any report form the council outreach on May 2?” Mayor Schonberger asked the room?

After a moment, Councilor Kimberly Dykes murmured, “we had no visitors.”

“That’s what I heard,” the mayor sighed, staring out at the empty council chambers. But then he brightened. “I noticed new tables out here.”

“Long tables,” the city clerk whispered excitedly.

Or,  as they are known in Brush!: “Long! Tables!”

Final thoughts: The only thing I love more than a speedy council meeting is a 168-pound motherlode of prescription narcotics. And the Brush! city council certainly had both. I give this meeting 11 out of 10 stars.

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