#55: Marysville, MI 9/26/16

Something old. Something new. Something borrowed. Something blue.

No, nobody was getting married at Marysville city hall. But things were still pretty darn eventful.

1. Something old

“Well, some two years and ten months ago I was at this podium taking the oath of office!” Mayor Pro Tem Wayne Pyden strolled down memory lane while the retiring police sergeant next to him stared back politely.

“On behalf of a grateful council, hopefully you have a good retirement. Be safe. And, uh, do–” Pyden shrugged while searching for the right motivational words, “–whatever it is you feel you…wanna do.”

Nailed it.

Putting on his glasses, the Mayor Pro Tem read from the council’s congratulatory message: “Happy retirement, as he spends more time hunting and enjoying life with his wife, son, and soon-to-be-born grandchild. (2. Something new)

“You do you.”

3. Something borrowed

City manager Randall Fernandez stepped to the microphone with the air of someone hiding a juicy piece of gossip. “As you know, last November we had a vote to see if we could possibly build a new city hall. The residents said they did not want that.”

He glanced around. “This building is almost 50 years old. This building will need other significant upgrades besides the roof.” Having established that city hall was on borrowed time, Fernandez dropped a bombshell.

“As you know again, the council toured 1515 Busha Highway. Mike was our tour guide. He brought it up with his bosses to see if they had any interest in donating that building to the city of Marysville. We were informed a few months ago that the building WOULD be donated to us.”

A new city hall? For free?! Marysville is the luckiest city on the planet! Hell, if you people don’t take it, I will!

This council meeting is being recorded by the security cameras at your bank.

Council Member Michael Buggy flipped to the back page of his packet apprehensively. “It says ‘such property shall continuously be used for such public purpose.’ Are we legally bound that that’s the ONLY thing we can use this property for?”

All eyes turned to city attorney Gary Fletcher, the white haired scion at the end of the long room. “That’s the purpose for which it has to be accepted. If not, it’s not deductible and they wouldn’t donate it.”

“So a year from now,” Council Member Buggy mused, “if we decide that this isn’t something–”

“I think I answered the question,” Fletcher sharply cut him off. “We should just leave it at that.”

Buggy slowly sank back in his seat. The room fell silent. What didn’t Fletcher want him to say? Did Buggy almost spill the beans on Fletcher’s secret plan for a private City Hall sauna?

4. Something blue

“Good luck with the baby,” the Mayor Pro Tem remembered to call out to the retiring sergeant as council members gathered their papers. “I had girls of my own and for…very sensitive…situations. So…good luck.”

There were cackles in the back of the room. Other council members snickered as the Mayor Pro Tem threw up his hands in embarrassment.

“I’m not trying to be chauvinistic or anything! But girls are special! They have special…needs.” Council Member Rita Hendricks rolled her eyes so hard they could have skidded across the river into Canada.

“Shut up!” he pleaded.

“Menstruation! I’m talking about menstruation!”

Final thoughts: Menstruation.


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