I won’t sugarcoat it: the North Little Rock city council meeting was a riddle wrapped in a mystery and stuck inside one of those Chinese finger traps.
Act I — How Do You Solve a Problem Like 7213 Westwind Drive?
“We have to deal with weeds that are taller than us. We have to deal with gutters coming down, lights coming down,” a woman pounded on the podium in frustration.
“I wish everybody would stand up and show that we’re all here wanting to say: IT IS A MESS. It is a safety hazard.”
Incredibly, virtually the entire audience rose to their feet and stood in solidarity as she pleaded for the city to dynamite that deathtrap.
The aldermen stared silently as irate neighbors aired their grievances.
“He’s using his yard for a bathroom,” a man shook his head.
“I have gone to court. I have watched as he has been fined. He just ignores it,” a woman frowned.
“We implore you to put an end to our neighborhood nightmare,” begged another man.
But if the eyewitness testimony didn’t seal the deal, the photos certainly did.
“There’s an air conditioner with an extension cord running through the tub–very unsafe,” a city employee flashed a picture onscreen as the council murmured in disbelief.
“That one scares me to death,” Alderman Debi Ross muttered, staring at an electric water heater without covers.
The city’s lawyer sighed and waved his hand. “We’ve given this man numerous opportunities. He’s been in jail. I don’t think he’s going to do it.”
“We’re gonna stop that cycle tonight,” Mayor Joe Smith stonily vowed. The council voted to condemn the house.
Act II — The Ghost in the Scrapyard
“A few weeks ago, I heard the noise in Glenview from this plant and they stopped at 11 o’clock at night,” Alderman Linda Robinson shared with the council, referring to a distant scrapyard.
“It’s my understanding that they don’t work late at night. But what I kept hearing–the boom, the boom–I called someone from that area. I said, ‘is this from that scrap metal plant?’ They started laughing and said, ‘yes, it is.'”
“I’m not sure exactly what noise you heard,” a city staffer shrugged and looked perplexed. “They have not been operating at night.”
“This was a few weeks ago and it was from THIS plant,” insisted Alderman Robinson. “We need to send the police out.”
The mayor bit his pen. “Well, I don’t know, Linda. If you heard it…” he trailed off.
At this point, one of the scrapyard’s owners stepped dramatically to the podium.
“We hire the North Little Rock police off-duty to be our night watchmen. So as far as the police on site–they are on site.”
From here, the plot thickened. “I personally approve the time cards,” he said. I haven’t seen anything since January 2015 where we had the crews that were working at night.”
Mayor Smith pondered hard about how to reconcile Alderman Robinson’s noises with the fact that no human was seemingly on duty.
“Surely you wouldn’t have anybody moonlighting down there that you don’t know [about]?” Smith inquired.
“They better not be because the police would be evicting them from the property and giving them a place to stay for the night,” the man replied with certainty.
Sir, you don’t need the North Little Rock PD at your scrapyard. It sounds like you need an exorcist.