#77: Hutchinson, KS 1/3/17

Folks, 2017 will be a year of uncertainty. Fear. Turmoil.

But all of that faded away when the mustachioed man in the camo-sleeve pullover strode to the Hutchinson city council microphone.

You could tell: he was here to Make Hutchinson Great Again.

“I’m sure you’ve all received my petition in the mail. I’m here to formally represent that petition,” he intoned with a deep, reassuring voice. All signs pointed to this guy having some major grievance with the city council–but honestly, I could listen to him narrate movie trailers all day. His voice was that soothing.

But I’m sorry, you were saying something about tyranny?

“Governments are instituted among men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed. And the government role is to protect our rights, not to find exceptions,” he murmured, like some sort of Ken Burns documentary.

hut1
He has two guns in those sleeves and 25 in the bunker.

“Your opinion is your theology, and any opinion contrary to the fact I set forth is contrary to our basis of governance. That is why I am requesting repeal of the tax for the support of the sports arena. We’d like to see the city council repeal all ordinances that are destructive of the life, liberty, property, and prosperity of the people of Hutchinson.”

There was a dramatic pause as the John Williams musical score in my head stopped playing.

“Thank you. We appreciate it,” Mayor Jon Daveline casually replied. Then, cheerfully, “next item, please!”

The city attorney leaned forward in his chair, giving the audience an exclusive view of the hyper-expressive sign language translator.

hut2
Love. Her.

“There was a bill passed by the Kansas legislature moving elections to the fall–and requiring an extension of your terms,” he announced. As a smirk spread across his lips, he added, “so let me be the first to thank you for your additional months of service!”

Everyone laughed, perhaps a bit TOO hard.

“This extends your terms from April of this year to January 2018,” he elaborated. “For those whose terms would have expired not in 2017 but in 2019, your terms are extended to 2020.”

Not everybody was elated.

“I mean, they [the voters] might want us out in April and we’re here for another eight months,” Councilmember Jade Piros de Caravalho observed with a mournful chuckle.

“So…the changing of the guard will not occur until WHEN?!” exclaimed the mayor half-jokingly.

“You’re stuck!” Councilmember Nancy Soldner clucked.

hut3
Lock the doors.

At this point, Camo Sleeves jumped uninvited back up to the mic. Cue the music from Braveheart.

“The city does retain the right to stand up and say we will not comply with any law the state comes out with,” he urged them defiantly. “You do have that right. You don’t have to comply with their laws.”

Mayor Daveline shifted uncomfortably, no doubt realizing that the Civil War started over something similar to this. “We’re…gonna take the advice of our city attorney here–”

“The law is often the rule of tyrants,” Camo said firmly. “That’s just the way it is.”

The color had drained from the city attorney’s face. “Uh…the authority that a city has is granted to it by the state of Kansas. If they didn’t grant us the authority…we couldn’t exist.”

Final thoughts: It’s a tough call…they didn’t stand up to tyranny. But they did avoid an inter-governmental apocalypse. I give these council members 8 out of 10 camo-sleeve pullovers.

Interview #28: Alexandria, VA Councilman John Taylor Chapman (with podcast)

This podcast interview is available on iTunes, Stitcher, Player FM and right here:

John Taylor Chapman is a city councilman in Alexandria–not, as I initially thought, the former child star on Home Improvement. We talked about how he learned to tie a bow tie, the thing that bugs him the most about council meetings, and about a controversial city council meeting in 2016. (You will want to listen to the whole episode because we get pretty in-depth about that incident.)

—

Q: How did you first learn to tie a bow tie?

A: I hate to say it, but I think it took me about 25 minutes of watching YouTube videos after I bought my first bow tie. I was determined to wear it that day and tie it myself.

Q: There’s no shame in going to YouTube for advice! Forty years from now, we won’t even have parents. Kids will be raised by a series of memes and cat videos.

A: [Laughs] That’s probably true!

Q: Let me run a couple scenarios by you. Say you’re going to a city council meeting and there’s going to be a big hearing about downtown redevelopment. What bow tie do you wear for that?

A: Most likely–I have three different red bow ties. One is a plain, solid red one. That’s my go-to. Then I have one that has polka dots and one that has stripes.

Q: Let’s say that an asteroid has hit Alexandria. The mayor and the other council members are dead. You have to carry on the work of the city council. Oh, and everyone else is a zombie. What bow tie do you wear?

A: I used to have a bow tie with the seal of the city. If that were the case, I would summon my powers to get that one.

Q: Recently, someone in the audience had this to say about you at a council meeting:

Public commenter: Why don’t y’all [council members] get out and see what people are complaining about? Chapman, he come. We went to Goat Hill. And he took care of [the problem].

When someone at a city council meeting calls you out for doing a good job, how important is that to you?

jtchapmana.jpg
Alexandria, VA Councilman John Taylor Chapman

A: Honestly, I think it’s one of the best feelings that someone on city council can have, whenever you are recognized for work that you’re doing. Especially when it’s not passive work. Getting down and working directly with folks is what I think our job is all about.

Q: What kind of behavior do you see at city council meetings that frustrates you?

A: I know I suffer from this from time to time: we have folks who like to talk. I think stories are good to follow up with points, but I think there can be a point where there’s too much storytelling and not enough direct decision making.

Q: When you hear the mayor say [at a contentious city council meeting] that you should be able to criticize staff in public, what do you think of that?

A: I…I think it brings on a very bad vibe. It leaves your staff feeling dejected because you’ve gone out of your way to embarrass them in public. We’re supposed to be one team. I don’t think we get quality staff–and keep quality staff–if we take on a culture where we are belittling them in public.

Follow Councilman John Taylor Chapman on Twitter: @j_chapman99

#76: Schenectady, NY 12/27/16

For the last city council meeting of 2016, I couldn’t have picked a more beautiful council chamber: ornate chairs, delicate chandeliers, intricate woodwork. It looked more like the set of “Hamilton” than a municipal building.

But the room was also deeply, deeply confusing: the six council members were crowded into a single wooden desk–cafeteria style. The council president had her own luxurious dais in roughly the next ZIP code.

And then, there was the graphics department:

sdy1
“Councilman Textbox Head has the floor.”

However, the phrase “lipstick on a pig” sprung to mind, as the beautiful room was consumed by a series of irate public commenters tearing each council member a new rectum and–occasionally–making sense.

“Regarding the Uber issue,” a woman in a baggy blazer slowly wound herself up. “What is an ‘Uber?’ Is it generic? Is it a brand name? Is it a transitive verb? Is it a modifying adverb? I’d like to know.”

I had absolutely zero read on whether she was kidding. My heart said she wasn’t, and my head said, “oh, god, this is gonna get worse.”

“I picked up some statistics. Our seven new electric motorcycles–” she continued.

“Okay, this is about Uber and Lyft,” cut in Council President Leesa Perazzo with some exasperation. “It’s NOT about electric vehicles.”

“Well,” the woman huffed, “these can be hooked up if it’s electric motorcycles. There are many acres of forestland being destroyed for motorcycle lanes!”

Uh, point…taken? I’m sure all of the Uber drivers with electric motorcycles are quaking in their helmets.

sdy2
“Is it a house? Is it a mouse? Is it in a box? Is it with a fox?”

The next commenter was a tiny balding man in a sweater vest who spoke with a slight impediment and even slighter enthusiasm.

“I’d like to speak on what I call ‘my two cents’ on the smoking ordinance. When I found that this council had passed us a law, I went, ‘seriously? Did the council pass that without realizing some people are not gonna like it?'”

He was referring to a new ordinance banning people from smoking in cars when minors are present. Also, he was apparently new to the concept that city councils do things people don’t agree with.

He sagely added, “I don’t think anybody in the government has been using the brains or common sense…things.”

Well, this has been enlightening. And another anti-anti-smoking commenter stomped to the podium. “If you have custody of those children and you tend to be in a car that’s bought and paid for, that’s your personal property! You can do anything you want with your personal property!” he fumed.

Amen! That’s the same logic I use to run a dog-fighting ring in my basement and cook meth in my RV. Read the Constitution.

sdy3.jpg
Basically my reaction

And if the comments from the public hadn’t soured the mood enough, Councilman Vincent Riggi stood up to seal the deal. “Just to clarify the vote on the smoking: YOU brought up that it’s our part to not abstain, Madam President. I don’t know WHY that left-handed shot had to come out. That’s certainly my prerogative to abstain,” he snapped.

“I thought we were beyond that, but I guess we’re not. And I thought YOU were beyond that, but apparently not.”

Pause.

“I won’t answer any of the other nonsense I heard tonight,” he slammed the microphone down.

Here’s to a Happy New Year?

Interview #27: North Las Vegas, NV City Clerk Catherine Raynor (with podcast)

This podcast interview is available on iTunes, Stitcher, Player FM and right here:

Catherine Raynor has been city clerk of North Las Vegas for eight months, after being a clerk in two California cities and an Army officer. We played a game that tested her memory of the city council chamber! Then we talked about time she met John Denver and about unusual uses of the council chamber.

—

Q: We’re going to start off with a little game called “How Well Do You Know the North Las Vegas City Council Chamber?” I’m going to put 60 seconds on the clock. Are you ready?!

A: We might have to stop after 30 seconds…okay, yes.

Q: You’ll do fine. How many projector screens are behind the council?

A: There are two, but there are also two that you do not see.

Q: Correct, and I’ll give you extra credit for that last part. Which company manufactured the computer monitors you’re using?

A: We have Dell.

Q: Correct. Which council member sits left of the mayor?

A: That is Councilwoman Pamela Goynes-Brown.

Q: Correct. Does the door beneath the clock open inward or outward?

A: I would say it opens outward.

Q: True or false: there is only one hand railing in the chamber.

A: False.

Q: That is correct. Congratulations, you got all right!

A: Okay!

Q: You were assistant city clerk in Monterey, California. Were there any differences between their city council meetings and those in North Las Vegas?

A: [Monterey’s] meetings are actually split. They have an afternoon session and an evening session. They have a dinner in between. They have the more routine items in the afternoon and they have the other items in the evening so the public can attend.

kraynor
North Las Vegas, NV City Clerk Catherine Raynor

Q: You were also the city clerk of Carmel-by-the-Sea, California. Clint Eastwood was once mayor of Carmel. Did you ever see him?

A: He had a movie premiere in Monterey and we purchased tickets to go the Unforgiven film and I saw him there. The only [actor] we were able to talk to was John Denver.

Q: Wow! How would you describe your job to someone who has never seen a city council meeting?

A: For the council, I provide assistance to them in the decorum, the rules of the meeting, how we vote. I also prepare items for council consideration. It’s really a lot about the who, what, when, where, why, and how.

Q: What skills did you learn in the Army that are useful for city council meetings other than being able to kill someone with your bare hands?

A: That was not the kind of Army I was in. I was an intelligence officer and so it’s who, what, when, where, why, and how. Learning that information helped me for taking minutes and for proofing the minutes for what happened at the meeting.

Q: What kinds of things do people use the council chamber for?

A: Congressman Hardy, he uses the chambers. Our police use the chambers for training. The capacity is 344, so if we need a venue that can hold that many people–

Q: So no Zumba or yoga classes?

A: The seats are permanently affixed and it tilts down, so yoga wouldn’t work in there. Unless it was yoga in your chair!

Note: Afterward, Catherine remembered this video of a mannequin challenge in the council chamber:

Month in Review: November 2016

To preserve the sanctity of Boxing Day, we will take a break and revisit all of the fun times we saw in November. Do you remember the time we went to the strange land of Canada? Or the even stranger land of New Jersey? If not, get the highlights on the month in review page!

hack1

#75: Livonia, MI 12/19/16

Inside the Livonia city council chamber, it felt like the last day of school before Winter Break. Oh, sure, THEORETICALLY there was work to do. But there were also plenty of hugs and goodbyes to go around.

“Welcome to the 1,815th regular meeting of the Livonia city council,” President Kathleen McIntyre dutifully announced. While I’d like to imagine McIntyre boarded up in her office and forlornly drawing another line on a wall full of tally marks, that works out to roughly 76 years of city council meetings.

“My oldest daughter is now a teenager as of Saturday,” Council Member Scott Bahr (who, oddly enough, looked barely old enough to buy cigarettes) gave a shout-out at the top of the meeting.

liv1.jpg
This man has been chugging from the Fountain of Youth.

“I would like to wish my oldest son a very happy 19th birthday,” Council President McIntyre dittoed. She looked directly into the camera. “He will be celebrating that on January 5th. He was originally due on December 22nd. The fact that he arrived two weeks late pretty much told us how he was gonna go through life–on his own schedule.”

There were a few uncomfortable chuckles.

Spirits were lifted, however, when cheerful Wayne County Commissioner Terry Marecki stopped by to say “hiya” in her thick upper Midwest accent.

“I’m sure you’re gonna enjoy your couple weeks off here with your regular jabs and doing this jab at night!” she exclaimed.

“I wanted to give you an update on 8 Mile Road. It’s been what, six weeks, Tadd [Todd], that they finished it? I want to assure you, it’s going to be done.”

She flashed a reassuring grin and a goofy sign-off. “You can tell your peeps!”

liv2
“Tell your peeps, your squad, your bruhs, your brahs, and especially your homies.”

Before the peeps could be told, there was one serious piece of business to do.

“This is a request to purchase a FARO 3-D laser scanner,” Council President McIntyre read. “This comes from the police for 3-D scene mapping. Good evening, chief.”

Livonia’s police chief stood with neatly-combed hair at the podium to explain this expensive purchase. “This is a huge step forward in our ability to map all crime scenes. You may recall the fatal accident that we had not too long ago. To map that scene with our current device took six hours. That scene with this device would take 30 minutes.”

Wow. From six hours to 30 minutes?! Sign me up for a baker’s dozen!

“This is exciting stuff,” Council Vice President Brandon Kritzman murmured in fascination.  The council approved the scanner.

As council members prepared to go home to their milk and cookies, there was a surprise comment from former Council Member James C. McCann.

“I didn’t plan on this, but as somebody who sat where you’re sitting, the ability of this council to work together–” he smiled proudly, like he was speaking at a high school convocation.

liv3.jpg
This is “Santa Formal” attire

“Everybody’s always prepared. It is very nice to see a council that’s working this very well together. And I’d recommend to the voters that if they have the chance to reelect every one of you, they should do it.”

Hear hear! Tell your peeps!

Final thoughts: Obviously I haven’t seen all 1,815 Livonia city council meetings, but I would easily rank this one in the top 400.

#74: McHenry, IL 12/19/16

Trouble in paradise! Turmoil in the Land of Lincoln!

The pride and joy of McHenry–“Fiesta Days”–was in jeopardy, and Mayor Susan E. Low had summoned the only heroes who could save it.

“The next item on the agenda is a motion to approve the 69th annual Fiesta Days schedule, including the addition of Thursday, July 13,” she read.

That’s right–a sombrero-sized bombshell was just dropped on Fiesta Days: adding THURSDAY to the schedule.

“Thursday night is important to draw higher-quality amusements and better food vendors,” the jeans-clad Chamber of Commerce rep solemnly informed the council.

“Fiesta Days are looking to attract and serve millennials, the 21-36 group. I think this is what our Thursday night is gonna be geared towards–try to get some of the younger crowd out there.”

You hear that, millennials? Put down your smart phones and your mannequin challenges and go sample the local Illinois cuisine–which I’m assuming includes both sweet and popped corn?

mch1.jpg
Let’s fleek it up!

A local pastor strode to the podium. “By having a Thursday night, we can make Sunday fully free,” he argued, being an expert on how to keep the Sabbath rockin’.

“I actually get to call myself a millennial by two days,” he chuckled. “As I ask them about the music selection at Fiesta Days, I typically get the answer of, ‘it’s fine, but it’s not MY music.'”

He paused for pastoral emphasis. “‘Not my music.’ We have to transition generations. Thursday night, we get to focus on millennials.”

Alderman Jeffrey Schaefer tapped his fingers together. “What type of entertainment were you thinking?”

I was wondering the same thing. As a millennial, I am into such popular musical acts as Neil Diamond, Willie Nelson, and Olivia Newton-John. But something tells me they aren’t in the Fiesta Days budget.

“We’re gonna try to keep it local and geared more towards that millennial group,” the Chamber man said evasively. “We’re not exactly sure.”

mch2.jpg
The Committee on Wooing Millennials

Alderman Schaefer motioned to approve the plan. Alderman Andrew Glab backed him up, gruffly muttering, “I’m glad to see us going a little more toward the family, uh, thing.”

But suddenly, Mayor Low slammed the brakes on the Fiesta Express. “I have no problem with the event,” she frowned, “but we spent a LOT of time deciding those times.”

Alderman Schaefer looked worried. “I was going to amend my motion to change the time to 10:30 for Thursday.”

The mayor looked relieved. “So your motion would be to allow the event, end it at 10:30?”

But immediately, Alderman Victor Santi jumped ship. “I’m not seconding that motion.”

Then the council went to DEFCON-3 as Alderman Geri Condon turned on her mic. “I personally support Thursday, closing at 10:30, keeping the beer sales and times, BUT I would support 50% reimbursement,” she demanded, referring to the condition that the Chamber of Commerce reimburse the city for all or part of its costs.

mch3
“Also, I demand that we move the lost-and-found from behind my seat.”

“The motion on the table I’m not gonna support,” Alderman Scott Curry viciously knifed. “I’m hoping we vote that down and then we can put one that has 50% in.”

The Titanic was going down. It was too late to bail!

The vote: 2-4 to kill the Schaefer motion. Alderman Curry leapt forward.

“10:30 on Thursday, alcohol times the same, 50% reimbursement,” he briskly rattled off.

Mayor Low called the vote: 4-2 in favor.

“Majority rule,” she shrugged.

Interview #26: New York City, NY Council Member Helen Rosenthal (with podcast)

This podcast interview is available on iTunes, Stitcher, Player FM and right here:

Helen Rosenthal represents the Upper West Side on the New York City council and BOY, did she have some fun stories! From the candy in her desk to the Elmo and Batman characters at a council meeting, she gave us a peek inside the City [Council] That Never Sleeps!

—

Q: With all the different groups on the 51-person city council, do they stick together in the council meetings? Like, do the progressives all wear armbands on one day, or does someone in the women’s caucus hand out candy, or–

A: Well, to be clear: I have the candy drawer. Definitely, I think candy gets you a long way with your colleagues.

Q: What kind of candy do you have in there?

A: Only York Peppermint Patties.

Q: Love those things! How do you decide where to sit?

A: Every two weeks approximately we get together as a chamber of the whole and we have assigned seating. And we have a little nameplate on our desks so we know just where we sit. And that way, again, no one really has access to my candy drawer, which is critical. The seating plan is determined by the speaker of the council. And it tends to be the same seating plan for the entire term of four years. Very rarely would someone’s seat get switched.

Q: Have you ever seen someone’s seat get moved?

A: I have. There were two of my colleagues who were having too good of a time sitting next to each other, so they were split up. So…that happened.

Q: WOW. Who do you sit next to?

A: I’m between Dr. Mathieu Eugene and Council Member Rosie Mendez. And if we went out to a bar and drank heavily for quite some time, I could tell you the reasons why I have that seat. But now, suffice to say, I love where I sit and–

Q: NO, IT DOESN’T SUFFICE TO SAY. TELL ME THE STORY, COUNCIL MEMBER.

A: That ain’t…that’s under lock and key!

helen-rosenthal
New York City Council Member Helen Rosenthal

Q: Any interesting moments in the council meetings that you can think of?

A: There was one hearing where we were debating a law as it has to do with the costumed characters in Times Square. You have Elmo, you have Minnie Mouse, you have the Naked Cowboy. Indeed, the costumed characters showed up in their full costumed regalia.

Q: Nice!

A: I more found it amusing that someone would come to a city council hearing dressed up as Batman and the person who was the sponsor of the legislation would want their picture next to Batman. I’m very careful not to be standing next to Batman when a picture is taken.

Q: Batman is an American hero, ma’am. What do you have against heroes?

A: Nothing! I was really traumatized by Dukakis’s moment when he put on that helmet and was swallowed up in it. I try not to wear hats.

Q: I should mention that my researchers found a tweet of yours…it’s a picture of you wearing a Big Apple Circus hard hat, and behind you is a clown wearing face paint and very bright overalls.

hrose

What do you have to say for yourself?

A: Busted. Busted….I love the Big Apple Circus!

Follow Council Member Helen Rosenthal on Twitter: @HelenRosenthal

#73: Millbrae, CA 12/13/16

‘Twas the season of change at the Millbrae city council meeting. A time to remember the departed and toast to new beginnings.

While I was popping the Champagne at home, a string quartet was popping off the holiday classics in the meeting room–“Joy to the World” and “O Come, All Ye Faithful.” Wow, live entertainment at a council meeting! What a refreshing change of pace!

That being said: once in 73 council meetings was enough. This isn’t “High School Orchestra Chronicles,” so I won’t review their performance. But let’s just say, I was very, very happy for this city council meeting to start.

“I’m very, very proud of these young people. They’re go-getters,” Council Member Wayne Lee rhapsodized. “Michael, I understand you’re going to Yale, which is exciting!”

The chamber roared for the violinist. One of the staff reached over and high fived him.

mil1
Boo yeah!

But as Michael moved on, another dear leader moved out.

“I want to share a short story,” smiled Mayor Anne Oliva, who in a few brief minutes would be relinquishing her gavel. “I did not get elected the first time around to our council. I missed it by 17 votes, and I was beaten out by Robert Gottschalk.”

Every head turned to Gottschalk, who was sitting stage right. J’Accuse!

“I ran with my father by my side, even knocking on doors every Sunday afternoon asking for support. When my father died a few months later,” the mayor gently winced, “I had no idea how much I would miss him. Especially when I was unable to share small victories, such as my next run for council–which I won.”

She bit her lip and tried not to tear up.  “I leave you in the hands of your new mayor, who I know will be a success. I wish my dad were here. But perhaps he’s looking down…Thank you all so very much.”

Everyone leapt up to give Her Honor the ol’ Hip-Hip-Hooray. Heir-to-the-throne Reuben Holober handed over a gift.

“This is amazing!” she exclaimed after pulling out a necklace. She fingered the trinket attached to it.

“It’s a gavel with a little A on it!”

The audience nodded approvingly.

She held out the necklace she was currently wearing. “When my dad ran for mayor, he gave this to my mother when he won.”

“Awwwwwww,” everyone murmured in unison.

mil2
Must…not…cry

The council unanimously elected Holober as the next head honcho. As Oliva and Holober stood to swap seats, Council Member Lee pumped the brakes.

“Whoa, whoa, you gotta take the oath! You don’t get the gavel till you take the oath!”

Mayor-elect Holober strode down to the podium. Lee, playing the role of red carpet commentator, announced who was doing the swearing-in.

“Reuben’s lucky fiancé!” he boomed as the two lovebirds raised their rights hands and sealed the deal.

mil3
“I do.”

Mayor Holober took his seat at the head of the dais. “Thirteen years ago, I entered this room to watch my mother take the oath of office as mayor. I never thought that one day, I would be sitting in this very chair.”

He stared at the room of supporters. “While my mother is no longer with us, I know that her passion for the city of Millbrae is alive in all of us.”

Ex-mayor Oliva led the standing ovation for him. While this is all very sweet, does anyone find it odd how Millbrae is killing so many city council members’ parents?

Final thoughts: First council meeting with a string quartet AND first council meeting with TWO MAYORS! 10 out of 10!